When I was a little girl every year we went to my
grandparents house for Christmas Eve dinner. During dinner my grandpa would always go around the table
and ask us one by one what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was very shy and never really knew what to
say. He was a very smart, educated, and
successful man. I felt like he wanted me
to tell him that I planned on being a doctor, or a teacher. As a young girl I was conflicted. I wanted my grandpa to be proud of me. I wasn't so sure that he'd be proud of my
dream job. More than anything else,
when I grew up I wanted to be a
mother. And so my journey begins.
I was the 14 year old girl that had every
babysitting job. I loved it, I loved being around children. I got older, went to college, served a
mission, and eventually got married. I
was 25 and most of my friends were already married with two kids. I was all right with this. I had a wonderful man by my side with plenty
of time to start a family.
A few years
passed by and it was still just the two of us.
My journey to motherhood was taking longer than I expected. I felt guilty feeling sorry for myself. I realized that my life was jam packed with
blessings. The spirit constantly
whispered to me that I just needed to be patient. And patient I was. I learned from this experience that you can
be patient and still feel pain. You can
appreciate the blessings that God gives to you and still feel sorrow . It was hard watching everyone around me have
babies. It was even harder watching
those babies grow up. You see, I wasn't
just "baby hungry." I wanted a
child. Turning 30 was depressing. I still hadn't
accomplished my dream. I felt
unemployed. It was becoming increasingly
more difficult to remain happy in spite of my circumstance. This does not mean that a dark cloud
surrounded me. I successfully managed
to maintain healthy relationships, serve faithfully at church, an find joy in
my every day life. I learned that this
trial was not put in my life to stop me.
It was not meant as a stumbling block.
This was my life and it was my job to magnify it.
The
encouraging sense of patience that the spirit offered me quickly changed to a
feeling of action. It was time to try
something different. My husband and I
both felt strongly that we needed to look into adoption. We knew that we would be moving soon. Logically it made sense to start the
adoption process after we moved to Georgia. The spirit told us
otherwise. We finished the extensive
paperwork and home study and waited. Shortly
after the move we contacted the adoption agency and went to work. It felt like it took forever to get the ball
rolling. I was constantly calling to
try and speed up the process. I had a strong
feeling of urgency. I'm sure they were
wondering why I was in such a hurry.
Fifteen days after we were approved as adoptive parents our son Elijah was born.
When Elijah was a few months old I recall driving
down the highway listening to him scream in his car seat. I cried.
At that moment it was the most beautiful sound. My child was crying because he wanted me,
his mom! I pulled over and held him tight.
I thank God that he armed me with patience for my long journey. I'm
forever grateful that he made me wait.
For without those years of waiting I know that Elijah's little voice
would not be the one waking me up at 7:00 am every morning. He would not be around to offer me his sweet
hugs and kisses throughout the day. I finally have the best job in the world. I
am a mother. Even though my grandpa is
no longer alive, I know that he is proud of me.
